Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
