yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
