Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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