im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize