Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
