i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
