no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
