direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
