i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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