ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
