She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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