Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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