How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
