It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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