Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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