We won't sleep together?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
