I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
