I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
