She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
