the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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