the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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