If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's blow job season.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
