walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
