That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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