In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My vagina just clenched in fear
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
