the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who died my cat blue again?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
