Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
