You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
