things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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