A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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