he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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