i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am available for nakedness
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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