I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't turn off my feet"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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