Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
