And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
