He uses pillows to masturbate.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
