If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need moral support for this bender
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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