I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
