Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
