she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
