so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
