PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
