Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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