Kareoke will never be a sober sport
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
