i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
