Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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