I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
