3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
