you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize