hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
smell my finger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
