god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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