When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
