Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Panties = found
Randomize
