So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
