he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
