Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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