So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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