you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
