Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
