She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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