areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
