i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
