i permit you to call me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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