my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
