I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
