You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
