i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
