I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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