We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
