Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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