Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
