We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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