She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Blood and glitter go together right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
