It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My cat gives me a boner
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
