I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
