she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
