So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
