Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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