I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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