I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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