You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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