If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
