I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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