got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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