operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
soo... how was my night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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