Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
