It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
