i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
