Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
