If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Less talking, more tequila
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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