Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
