I'm lost and stupid without you.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
