I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
