my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
