I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
