I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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