So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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