ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
