I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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