I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize