I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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