I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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