if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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