I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize