I hope mine doesn't look like that
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
