I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
