Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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