just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
