I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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