Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
