maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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