and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
