Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This house was built for laser tag.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
