I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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