I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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