i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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