I looked at my own cervix.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize