so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
