i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm like, not good at living.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
