You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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