Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
